Pat McAfee did his part to show the world that punters can party and do stupid things just as well as real football players. Or kickers, I suppose.

A “wet, shirtless” man tried to get into a woman’s car early this morning. Either the worst topless carwash in history, or McAfee had been up to no good.

Indianapolis Metropolitan Police were called to the canal at Broad Ripple and College shortly before 5 a.m. after a report of a man swimming in the canal of the popular nightlife district.

Huh, I didn’t know Indianapolis had canals. Also: I didn’t know Indianapolis had a popular nightlife district.

McAfee was comically drunk when officers arrived, not knowing for sure if he had been swimming in the canal. “It was raining,” he said. Which to a drunk person, is a completely logical explanation. He is wet. Rain is wet. Canal swimming is bad. Therefore, it must have been raining.

When asked how much he had to drink McAfee replied, “A lot because I am drunk.”

Pat McAfee is some kind of idiot savant sage.

Colts punter McAfee held in public intoxication case [Indianapolis Star]